~here’s some advice from me to yo freshman ass ~
Don’t buy your frickin’ textbooks from the school bookstore cuz it’s always gonna be a rip-off!!!
Just show up to events, who cares if you have nobody to go with.
Networking and career fairs, club and activity booths and allll dat ish. You never know what coulda happened/who you coulda met if you never go! I went to a Tulane networking event this summer and met the guy that gave me the internship I have for this summer and upcoming fall- Woody Allen even said 80% of success is just showin’ up and who doesn’t trust a cynical old Jew?
Probably best not to invest in a white duvet
Because you’ll most likely go to a paint party in the first month of school, fall asleep in your paint-covered clothes, and be stuck with neon pink and green-stained white sheets for the rest of the year, along with whatever the heck else gets on ‘em so who gives a fuh if it’s “chic” (even tho I did HA)
don’t buy a ton of snacks for your dorm
Otherwise you will end up eating two rows of oreos, half a jar of peanut butter and an irrational amount of extra cheddar goldfish at 4 in the morning. If you limit your snacks you limit the amount of times you wake up confused as to why you’re sleeping in crumbs and there’s a french fry in your sock.
you will probably gain weight and you definitely won’t be able to avoid it, but you should just embrace it because it is the happiest weight you will ever gain
When you look down at your new rolls just remember that each of those is a collection of fantastic memories that you both recall and don’t. be grateful for your pudge. Plus all of your friends around you are slowly gaining weight too so nobody notices. just buy a skinny mirror it’s all good.
Force yourself to take hand-written notes for your least favorite class
Otherwise you’ll be trolling facebook and you’ll accidentally click on a video and your computer sound will be on and the teacher will be salty. also you’ll probably get a C.
you can have your class buddy record a lecture on your VOICE MEMOS if you can’t make class/or you can just do it if you don’t wanna listen and it’s an important lesson day (honestly never did that but it’s a really smart idea now that I think about it)
Don’t limit your friendship circle to the first 5 girls you meet at orientation
Even by the end of freshmen year your friend group is still evolving, it never stops! Don’t immediately get cliquey and too comfy because you might realize that you actually want to write a Burn Book about them all.
Keep hand sanitizer or disinfectant wipes somewhere in your dorm
the freshman plague is a nastay thang! If you get a cough it might never go away, like forreal. I used my lil’ disinfectant wipes every couple weeks or so on door handles and drawers and commonly touched places and I honestly think it helped me stay relatively healthy all-year long, so get on dat Full House Bob Saget shit and purchase some cleaning products. The Health Center won’t help youuuuuu so don’t be a gross troll that catches the swine flu!
about the laundry you left in the machine
if you don’t take yours out when the cycle is ova somebody will throw all yo wet clothes out to make room for theirs #selfish but tbh everybody does it, so you best be settin’ an alarm to remind yosef to go pick up yo threads before some thief-o goes and jacks yo favorite blouse!
Get creative @ da dinin’ hall
Don’t be that one bratty friend who will never settle for the dining hall, just be inventive and find ways to mix n match your resources and create masterpieces! My roommate and I brought Cholula to drizzle on our morning omelets and even the occasional avocado. You can take yo meal from some greasy ass chef boyardi quality to dat bobby flay level.
Find a study spot OUTSIDE of your dorm
Whenever I tried to do work in my bed I usually found myself watching netflix or goofin’ about wit my floormates and staying up ‘till 4 am watching vines in the common room talking to everybody else about how much work I still had to do. Find yo own lil’ corner (with yo own lil’ chair) where you can focus and crank out those essays. It makes things easier to find physical ways to separate work/study time from fuq shit up time.
Get a keurig.
This one speaks for itself honestly
Get into the habit of always carrying around a water bottle
Dat Britta bullshit is a pain to constantly fill up with water; it’s so much easier if you just always have yo water bottle at hand nearby bc nobody wants to get up and find a clean cup in their dorm room (impossible) and open the mini fridge to see dat yo britta is empty cuz your roomie took the last bit of water and didn’t fill it back up.
The more mugs the merrier
you will never find the motivation to clean your cups n ish after EVERY use, thus you want to have lots of them cuz nobody wants to fill up a crusty ass mug with their beverage.
Bring a portable speaker and a big outdoor blanket!
Be da one who comes in clutch when you’re goin’ to sit and watch the sunset or tan or bask in da beauty of nature with ya friends.
Bring less clothes than you think you’ll need
Because what you THINK you need is probably too much. And if you are in desperate need of that plaid skirt for your school-girl outfit you can just have your mom ship it, thank you mom.
Facebook is so lit in college
Tinder is so fun to pass the time
and so are cheesy buzzfeed quizzes when you and your roommate wake up Sunday morning too hungover to do anything other than see what ice cream flavor you are based on your zodiac sign.
Bring a ridiculous amount of socks and underwear
so you can avoid laundry until the point at which all of your clothes have questionable stains thus you must pop out the tide pods.
If you’re in a city or cute college town, go EXPLORE it!
It’s easy, especially freshmen year when everything’s new, to get wrapped up in the school bubble. But find a favorite go-to restaurant, coffee shop, park, or anythang that suits your fancy! It’s good to have places outside of school to explore and roam around to remind yourself that there’s an entire world that’s spinnin’ outside of the confines of your $60,000 tuition.
Get a mini whiteboard for outside your dorm room door
because it’s cute and can be fun (maybe alarming) to see the things you or strangers write on it after late weekend nights
Bring as many costume pieces as you can!!!
If you’re a costume theme queen like me then college is for you, kid. There’s ALWAYS somethin’ to dress up for.
Don’t sweat the small stuff!
It’s your first year, you don’t know what the f*** you’re doing! Hey neither do I really so is this even trustworthy advice?